Penn State Guard Is Polite
Manny Faces
Ladies of Hotdog Land, let me introduce to you Mr. Stanley Pringle. He plays point guard for Penn State. He is originally from Virginia Beach, Virginia (the state for lovers, wink!). At 6’1 and 190 lbs. he is just the perfect size to make a lady feel protected, but not intimidated. He averaged 6.9 PPG and shot a respectable 40.9% from the 3-pt. line. Most importantly, however, Stanley is a gentleman through and through, as evidenced by this latest anecdote:
Police said Pringle, the team’s point guard, sat behind the victim in the stacks section of the library, attempted to start a conversation with the woman and began masturbating. Police have filed charges of public lewdness and disorderly conduct against him in connection to the incident.
See ladies, how rare is the man who attempts to converse with a woman before he begins masturbating on her. This is how I envision that romantic repartee going:
Stanley (quite suavely): Hey girl, you like books?
Girl: (ignores him)
Stanley (undeterred): Hey girl, you like to read?
Girl: (ignores him)
Stanley (getting frustrated): Yo, so you like to read or what?
Girl (clearly annoyed): Yeah, I guess so.
Stanley: Well then, READ DEEZ NUTZ beeyaatch!
Girl: I prefer Bukowski.
Well, Stanley, it looks like love is going to have to wait. Someday that perfect freaky bibliophile is going to find her way to your heart, hopefully before Carl Monday can find you.
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Please attempt to work that video into every post from now on…
Honestly that video is one of the greatest pieces of journalism ever done on American soil. This is the follow up when the Tom Selleck kid goes to court:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hIwrNBmAFkc
“For nearly two months now, Michael Cooper has been trying to rebuild his life.”
Not on Carl Monday’s watch.
Bukowski’s alcoholic misogyny has desensitized this poor girl.
Deadspin kind of ripped off this post, but you can’t really have library masturbation without thinking of Carl Monday.
http://deadspin.com/375526/stanley-pringle-jackin-it
Perhaps, but the Deadspin comments section has got it going on:
“Dipsy-doo, Spunk-a-roo”
Carl Monday has a Joe Friday type appeal. More Carl Monday.