Rocket Releases Statement, Suffers Breakdown, Euthanized.

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Roger Clemens issued an apology… of sorts…. concerning the numerous alleged affairs involving various women, that have arisen in the past week or so.  Shortly after the statement was released, the Rocket suffered a breakdown and fell over.  Medical staff attended to Clemens and almost immediately the decision was made to euthanize him.  One attending physician stated, “He just didn’t have a leg to stand on anymore.  It would have been inhumane to let him carry on like that.” 

Another member of the medical staff commented, “When I saw the crumpled mass of humanity that once was ‘The Rocket,’ I knew that the best thing to do was just put him out of his misery.”

A shield of blankets was created around Clemens during the procedure, simliar the shield that was used when Isaiah Thomas was euthanized on the floor of Madison Square Garden during the last Knicks homegame.  In both cases Doctors unanimously agreed that there was little else that could have been done to save the former icons. 

One expert on disgraced superstar euthanasia offered, “I was there when the decision was made to try and rehabilitate Jose Canseco and now look at what happened.  Not a day goes by that I don’t regret sticking to my guns on that one and insisting that he be put down.”