Storm stockpile aging MVPs
Constable Echelon
That’s right: a Storm post!
(Wait, where is everyone going?)
Seattle’s most recent champions are due to commence their grueling 34 game campaign this Saturday. (Thank god for that month off for the Olympics.) The Forester-set favorites have dramatically retooled their roster this past offseason, opting to load up on players that I can only assume are over the hill.
Why do I think this? Because I’ve heard of them, and there’s no way I know who the up and coming talent is in the WNBA.
Sheryl Swoopes (former MVP), Yolanda Griffith (former MVP), and Swin Cash join the Storm’s core duo of Lauren Jackson (reigning MVP) and Sue Bird to form a roster that will test how legitimate a league the WNBA is.
Swoopes won her most recent MVP in 2005. Griffith’s MVP year was all the way back in 1999. Swoopes is 37. Griffith is 38. In the NBA both of these players would be long past any semblance of utility outside of a Robert Horry-type role. And Robert Horry never had kids.
There are only thirteen teams in the WNBA. If the league is suffering such a dearth of talent that it can’t replenish a player base less than one half the size of the NBA’s with fresh stars, then what chance will it ever have of becoming a viable entity?
Or maybe the Storm’s new local ownership simply want to get maximum return on their investment by bringing in the names to put butts in the seats - a basketball revue as opposed to an actual team. Or maybe this team will manage a Pyrrhic title, exposing the dwindling future prospects of the league. Or maybe female athletes aren’t bound by the terse career constraints that limit the men.
Only one thing is for sure: I won’t be watching.
May 14th, 2008 at 4:45 am
since no one else is likely to comment on this post. I chose to. Except my comment has nothing to do with the Storm. Rather, I think the hot dog hall of fame is clearly missing at least one person: the dawgfather.
May 14th, 2008 at 7:28 am
I will give credit where credit is due: the new WNBA commercials they’re showing during the NBA playoffs where they rattle off all the stereotypes of their own league? Absolutely brilliant. I’m still not watching, but it’s the most effective sales pitch I’ve seen to date.
May 14th, 2008 at 8:38 am
I might just attend a Storm game this season to watch “girls” kiss other “girls.” It’s cheaper than buying a new porn DVD.
May 14th, 2008 at 9:45 am
You’ve never heard of Candace Parker? Really?
I will be watching. The Storm have been a fun (though frustrating) team to watch recently. Lauren Jackson’s like a female Dirk Nowitzki, only with the ability to win in the clutch. Sue Bird’s an aggravating point guard, but she’s a good athlete.
I think this team will flame out like the Payton-Malone Lakers, but fires sure are fun to watch.
May 14th, 2008 at 11:45 am
Oh that Candace Parker? You mean the lady who can sort of push a basketball over the rim and call it a dunk. Yeah, she’s the most exciting thing to happen to women’s basketball since that other lady pushed the ball over the rim….in a game!
And Lauren Jackson plays like if Dirk Nowitzki got his legs blown off and had to play on prosthetics made out of cinder blocks and boring.
I remember when the Storm won the championship a few years back. I was sitting in my apartment which was pretty close to Key Arena. I heard someone honking their horn outside a few times so I went out on my deck to see what it was about. There was a lady standing outside her Subaru Outback honking her horn, so I asked her what she was doing. She said excitedly, “The Storm just won the championship!” I responded, “Oh, well will you stop doing that? I’m trying to watch a movie.” End of story.
May 14th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Somerstein was at that game.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:00 am
Someone call the H&F tech dept. and get that ‘Daniel’ character to stop posting. The site’s obviously been infiltrated…
How is the WNBA still around? Are people making money? Is Subaru? Also, I think I read somewhere today that Anne Heche was now bankrupt, so I think it’s only a matter of time until the charity runs out.
May 15th, 2008 at 9:43 am
The WNBA is NOT economically viable. It is propped up by the NBA.
May 15th, 2008 at 11:20 am
I think Anne Heche is really, astonishingly good-looking. You guys ever watch “Men in Trees?”
May 15th, 2008 at 11:40 am
It looks like the Storm’s next company outing will be in California.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/16/us/15cnd-marriage.html?hp
May 15th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
I’m pretty sure Anne Heche is married to a dude now, but I totally wanted to bang her in Six Days and Seven Nights.
May 15th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
We could probably land an interview with the Storm GM - I mean, what else does he have to do?
May 15th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Is getting an interview with the Storm GM the blog equivalent of The Sports Junkies getting an interview with the Mendiolas?
May 16th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I believe it was Sports Junkiez with a “Z”. The best part of that interview is at the end, the Sports Junkiez all promised to attend the women’s game against Oregon State, and the only one who went was “The H”.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:40 pm
I just remember they kept saying “Holla” too much at inappropriate times. That and I was afraid to say anything remotely controversial because of all the murderers in their family.
May 16th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I believe the Storm made a sliver of profit during the 2004 Championship season. Also of note, the WNBA might be propped up by the NBA, however I believe half of the teams are now independently owned of NBA franchises, which means half of the WNBA team’s owners are taking a bath, and half of them are adding to the loss columns of their NBA counterparts. The projections must be positive though, or else no one would continue to spend the cash on WNBA franchises.
Oh, and this comment string is absolutely f’ing hilarious.
May 16th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
PS- Tubby Stats attended that women’s game too…