Ichiro! is a National Treasure
Sager Bombs

“Playing on this team and seeing what is happening around me, I feel that something is beginning to fall apart,” Ichiro said, through a translator. “But, if I was not in this situation, and I was objectively watching what just happened this week, I would probably be drinking a lot of beers and booing.”
What kind of beer?
“Usually I enjoy Japanese beer, but given the situation, if I was objectively watching the game, I wouldn’t care if it was Japanese beer, American beer or beer from Papua New Guinea,” he said.
God bless you, you hilarious little man.
May 24th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
“To tell the truth, I’m not excited to go to Cleveland, but we have to. If I ever saw myself saying I’m excited going to Cleveland, I’d punch myself in the face, because I’m lying.”
-Ichiro, speaking the truth about America’s worst city not named Detroit.
May 28th, 2008 at 8:51 am
And about Tiger Woods, he said, “Tiger is a great golfer, but … when you say athlete, I think of Carl Lewis. When you talk about [golfers or race-car drivers], I don’t want to see them run. It’s the same if you were to meet a beautiful girl and go bowling. If she’s an ugly bowler, you are going to be disappointed.”
http://www.slate.com/id/2171520