Fig Jam
Poor Xavier Hicks. Guy can’t catch a break. First he tries to blind his teammate by putting rubbing alcohol in his contact case and winds up in jail for 45 days, then he gets arrested on the way home from jail. Pathetic. If this guy weren’t a contributer for WSU’s football team, he would be Schmidtke’d so fast he wouldn’t know what hit him.
Fig Jam
Big news out of the WNBA today. Candace Parker can dunk. Of course we already knew this. We knew this when she won a High School dunk contest several years ago. However, Parker recently dunked in a WNBA game, making her the second player ever to accomplish this feat. So, not only is this old news from a Parker perspective, but from a WNBA perspective as well, since Lisa Leslie dunked in a game years ago. But nonetheless, the WNBA PR machine is in full swing touting Parkers dunk to the sporting masses today, as if it will somehow make a difference in the league’s popularity.
By Mooch as told to Sager Bombs
I thought these assholes were my friends. Now I’m the subject of a mass media hit job. So maybe I take the occasional bite of other people’s food. Can you honestly say you’ve never done it? Now I can’t watch any sporting event without being bombarded with visual evidence of mockery by people I thought truly cared. Every freakin’ channel. Every single weekend. MOOOOOOOOCH. My name is Steven, ok? I have a name. I’m a human being.
It hurts, dammit. I didn’t deserve this.
But, whatever. Fine. Go ahead and eat your 1.07 pounds of meat and cheese all by yourself. Laugh it up, fun guys. See if I give a shit about going hungry. Hunger goes away, but this kind of hurt will last far longer.
*single tear falls*
Sager Bombs
After three amazing quarterfinal games, Italy-Spain was a soccer game that reinforces all the “Americans Don’t Get Soccer” stereotypes. Tons of flopping. Poor officiating. Pass forward, pass back, holds it, holds it, holds it…
(UPDATE: I just read the Deadspin wrapup of the weekend’s action, and they make the exact same point as I did about this being the kind of game Americans hate. Great minds think alike from their mother’s basements? Anyways, I’m just acknowledging that we both made a similar comment at about the same time. If I was going to crib a Deadspin post of all things, I’d like to think I’d do a better job of hiding it. Moving on…)
I’m going to write off the crap level of play as a product of the matchup. Both teams came in with their country having high (unreasonable?) expectations for the tournament. Spain has been the better side in the tournament, but Italy has centuries of experience when it comes to packing the box and playing for the tie.
So thank god they didn’t win on PK’s. The flopping, defensive minded, Spurs-of-international football are gone. Besides the camera pans of their hot fans and the chance to play the sip-every-time-they-flop drinking game, will anyone miss them?
So I forgot to put up a video on Friday. I’m sorry, okay? It’s not like I meant to hurt you, I just forgot baby. I’ve had a lot of things on my mind lately. C’mon, let’s go out to our favorite restaurant and I will soothe your disappointment in me with some sweet talking and a bottle of Merlot. I know they don’t have wine at Arby’s, but I’ve got that covered too. I know I messed up girl, that’s why I’m willing to bend the rules for you. Now clean the tears off your face so we can go get 4 roast beefs for $5.
Now, that’s out of the way - I’ve seen this commercial a couple times during Euro 2008 and thought it was pretty cool. The full version on Youtube though is really awesome. I guess the spot was directed by Guy Ritchie (the dude who bones the dessicated husk of Madonna).
Sager Bombs
So maybe you’ve noticed we’ve got new ads on the site. We’ve teamed up with the good folks at Yardbarker, who will now be giving us the tools to make 10 Million Theoretical Internet Dollars. Anyways, you might have also noticed that they’re advertising a trip to a fight at the Playboy Mansion. More important for this story, they also offered a similar trip to blogs that were members of the network. The challenge was to write two paragraphs explaining why you should be selected for the trip. After the jump, what I wrote:
Constable Echelon
Briefly for your consideration:
-Jerryd Bayless averaged a somehow unimpressive 20 points per game last year for an underachieving Arizona team.
-Russell Westbrook averaged 12 points per game while being the ultimate glue/energy guy for the UCLA machine.
-Jerryd Bayless’ slight boyish frame doesn’t exactly scream “NBA ready”.
When in doubt, you could do worse than taking the man among boys.
That is all.
McClaren out. Only a few days after Bavasi. Sexson remains in the on-deck circle.
Banjo style = picking one note at a time instead of playing the whole damn chord. In other words, why not clear out everyone you want to leave instead of leaving the vultures circling this carcass for weeks? Are they really thinking they might get someone to give up something for Sexson? Let the dream die. If it’s going to happen, man up and DFA him, ASAP.
Sager Bombs
So says Clay Bennett in day 3 of the Sonics trial. My first thought is, “well, no shit.” No one in any city would support a new ownership group in this situation. Clay and company basically ran a How Not To Get Local Support clinic.
That being said, there is more than a little bit of truth to the idea that Seattle fans are generally indifferent. This stat in particular jumped out at me yesterday:
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