Hotdog & Friends

Mr.:Fig Jam                           ,

      : Graciously accepts and will be present for the wedding ceremony and reception.

  X  : Regretfully declines, and will be unable to attend.

Explanation:

You see, you had the misfortune of scheduling this little shindig on the same day as my fantasy football draft.  I’m sorry, but I simply cannot take the risk of allowing my team to be auto-drafted, or even worse, allow someone else to draft in my place.  Something always happens during the draft that requires quick thinking and I have to be there to deal with it when it does.   I tried as hard as  I could to get the draft on a different weekend, but there are 12 guys in the league and what with everyone’s busy schedule this is the only day that would work. 

If there’s anyway that you could move the ceremony/reception up a week, that would be fine and I would be happy to attend.  Moving it farther out won’t work as football season will have already started and I’m booked solid.  Anyways, I bought you a bunch of stuff on the website, so I kinda feel vindicated with this decision.  At least you’ll have that melon baller now.  I’d have felt terrible if I couldn’t make it AND you didn’t have a melon baller.  But now you can ball melons, and ball ’em good. 

(to the groom:  your new wife isn’t going to understand this, so it’s on you to explain how it is.  I know your bummed because your FF prospects are totally fucked this year what with being busy with ‘wedding stuff’ during a time of the year when you’d normally be studying and gameplanning your draft, but seriously bro, you know the code.   You know I don’t really have a choice in this thing, so make it right)

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 10th, 2008 at 4:46 pm and is filed under . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.