Hotdog & Friends

Sager Bombs

Wouldn't it suck if this was the only picture of this entire post?

We are so close to the start of the college football season (TWENTY FOUR DAYS) it’s driving me crazy.  I’m running out of internet to look at when it comes to analysis.  Fortunately, it’s damn near impossible to run out of internet when it comes to looking at half-naked coeds.  I’d love to cover a more informative topic for a Top 10 ranking, but Ted Miller has pretty much ranked everything of substance in the last two weeks.  No really, you should look at how hard he’s been working.  I’m thankful, but at the same time kind of worried about him. 

Ranking student bodies is something I feel qualified to do, however. I have been on 8/10 of these campuses (sorry Pullman and Berkeley) and know people who have attended every school whose opinions I trust.  Plus, I ogle away fans and crowds on tv.  I feel good about my qualifications.  So with some picture help from the archives of Pac-10 Poon (Start posting again!  Please!) I’m offering one man’s take on the female populations of the conference universities. 

After the jump, of course…

10. Oregon State

Bless their hearts, they try.  But it’s primarily an engineering school.  In Corvallis.  There’s only so much they can do.

9. WSU

Please don’t get it twisted. I’m not placing Wazzu this far down on the list because I hate the Cougs.  Although I do hate the Cougs.  Look at where I had to place Oregon.  Anyways, WSU is kind of like the anti-ASU.  Both schools party really really hard.  But Pullman is stranded from civilization while Tempe is essentially in Phoenix.  ASU has incredible weather while Pullman is… cold.  One year of bundling up and doing nothing but binge drinking takes a quick, immediate toll on all the talent up there.  Let’s just say a hibernation layer develops.  It’s a damn shame, and if we were ranking only freshman it would be a different story.  These girls are a blast to party with (and make fun of for being Cougs) but I can’t in good faith place them any higher.

8. Cal

Oregon has hot hippie chicks who, honestly, just pretend to be hippies to smoke pot and listen to jam bands.  Cal has hippie chicks who actually believe in the movement, maaaaaaan.  Admitedly I can’t really speak too much about the campus because I’ve never been there, but I’ve never seen or heard anything to give me reason to rank them higher than this (or lower than OSU or WSU for that matter).  These are marrying types, not “hottest campus” types.

EDIT: Ok, ok… I know Cal has Allison Stokke, but she’s alone on an island in Berkeley.  One girl can’t move up the ranking of an entire campus.  But I’ll be the first to admit she’s doing Ike Diogu-like work out there with no support. 

7. Stanford

Stanford is an incredibly prestigious university that is really really hard to get in.  Most of the hot girls going to private school in California are going to Pepperdine, USD, or USC because they don’t have grades that make them worthy of even sniffing Palo Alto.  But the girls that are beautiful here are the proverbial golden children.  The 4.0 student with the supermodel looks who also got the full athletic scholarship?  Yeah, she’s probably going to Stanford (*cough* Logan Tom *cough*).   So while their best is incredible, you also have an awful lot of, erm, inconsistency.  Trust me, everyone at Stanford is special at something if they can manage to get admitted.  But when it comes to these rankings there is an unfortunate amount of inconsistency when it comes to the kind of specialness that counts here. 

6. Washington

I love you Washington, and you treated me well during my undergraduate years.  And my year off before grad school.  And every time I come home.  But facts are facts, and I can’t say that UW is any better than the top of the 2nd tier of Pac-10 schools when it comes to women.  Blame the weather.  Blame the hipsters.  Fuck it… don’t blame anyone.  There is no shame in being consistently good, and the women at UW are consistently good.  And god bless em for it.  They’re just not great.

5. UCLA

Hi. Welcome to great. Seriously, there is definitely a gap in talent between 6 and 5.  We’re now at the real special schools.  I’d talk more about UCLA but the yearly pics from the Undie Run say it better than I ever could.

4.  Oregon

This hurts me more than it hurts you to put them this high.  The only list I ever want to see Oregon higher than UW on is the “graduates with the most pairs of acid washed jeans” list (WSU, you’d have a chance on this list too!).  Anyways, Oregon has a campus packed with sexy hippie chicks, a cheerleading squad that dress and look like they should be, um, performing in Vegas, and Eugene is a town with shit else to do besides party and make bongs out of Nikes.  They still suck as a school and an entity, but they’re #4 with a bullet on the coed charts. 

3.  USC

Ten years ago they probably still have the top spot, but the times they are-a-changin.  They still bring song girl ass to the table, which is nice, but even that squad is probably no longer the best in the conference (although their uniforms are still the best in the country… this is not subject to debate.)  Hot socal private school girls are always going to be impressive, but they no longer run shit on the west coast like they used to.  Except in pretty much every athletic endeavor.

2.  Arizona

I think it has to do with the dry heat down there.  And all the spare money from not eating that seems to be spent on personal trainers and plastic surgery.  Whatever it is, getting dropped on the campus of either Arizona school is like being placed in the land of models.  Skinny, tan, leggy blondes are everywhere.  Bonus points for Adrienne Acton.  Minus points for all the drugs.   

1.  Arizona State

I could basically say the same things about ASU and Arizona (minus Adrienne Acton… which is sad because the world needs more Adrienne Actons).  For my money these two schools are the cream of the crop when it comes to the women of the Pac-10.  I could understand flip-flopping #1 and #2, but last time I checked ASU was a top 20 party school by both Princeton Review and Playboy.  Say no more, I’m sold.  And not just because Playboy got me drunk once (although Princeton Review… it’s time to step your game up).  When UGA travels to Tempe this year it will be the most unbelievable collection of talent in one stadium, ever.  If you have the ability to get to that game, do it. 

Well, that’s it.  I’m completely spent.  Feel free to critique and/or offer your own rankings in the comments.  And for those who think that my posts are sexist (Adrienne?)… well you lovely bitches and hos should know I’m trying to correct this.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 5th, 2008 at 7:11 pm and is filed under Pac-10, Women Of The Pac-10. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.