China: a beacon of Olympic Spirit
Fig Jam
So here is what China has done to present itself to the world thus far in the Olympics…. and this is just the stuff we know about.
1. Computer animated fireworks for the Opening Ceremonies. Didn’t that look awesome though? Turns out a little too awesome and the Chinese Government has admitted that it added some luster to the fireworks display using CGI.
2. Went all lip synche on the musical portion of the show. Can’t have an ugly kid out there singing, even if her voice is amazing. Nope… Get your ass behind that Wizard of Ozz style curtain there and we’ll put a looker out there
Best ever analysis of looks being important comes from the movie Liar Liar:
Kid: “Mom says that looks aren’t important.” ’
Jim Carey, “That’s just something ugly people say.”
3. Blatently cheating in Women’s Gymnastics. The girls they are using on their team aren’t old enough. How do we know this. A: look at them. B: Oh I guess there were articles being written about them in the past few years where their ages were mentioned. The NY Times laid it out pretty clearly. Here is the evidence the Times unearthed about Chinese gymnast He Kexin…
“In Chinese newspaper profiles this year, He was listed as 14, too young for the Beijing Games.
The Times found two online records of official registration lists of Chinese gymnasts that list He’s birthday as Jan. 1, 1994, which would make her 14. A 2007 national registry of Chinese gymnasts — now blocked in China but viewable through Google cache — shows He’s age as “1994.1.1.”
Another registration list that is unblocked, dated Jan. 27, 2006, and regarding an “intercity” competition in Chengdu, China, also lists He’s birthday as Jan. 1, 1994. That date differs by two years from the birth date of Jan. 1, 1992, listed on He’s passport, which was issued Feb. 14, 2008.
I mean… that sounds legit to me, but what the hell do I know? China swore to the validity of He’s Chinese issued passport. It’s obviously legit. (sidenote: I think the age limit thing is stupid… but it exists so it should be followed).
So… ultimately here’s my question about all this. Should I be alarmed? If China’s doing this for the Olympics, it’s a pretty safe bet this is their approach to military build-up and environmental policy. Should all this nonsense be raising a few red flags?
Or, in the alternative, should I just do the American thing and ignore all this, not ask any questions, and stop caring about sports where we can’t win anymore and focus my attention on the water cube. Because, I’m here to tell you that the US swim team will kick your ass all over the pool (by US Swim team I mean Phelps). USA USA USA!
August 13th, 2008 at 11:50 am
If you’re not cheating you’re not trying.
August 13th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
For me, the most obnoxious thing is what passes for celebrating by Chinese teams. Watch the gymnastics and tell me the awkward “High 10 and Grab the Other Person’s Hands” doesn’t make you want to revoke all their medals. How can they executive 3 1/2 somersault twists, but not know how to give a high five? Olympic Spinoff Show, “The High-Fiving Yellow Guys”. Almost Live? Anyone? Anyone? And what’s with this time change? Can’t they read a clock and know when it’s really morning? Jeez. In conclusion, I’d rather see a Russian guy win than a joyless Chinese competitor.
August 13th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
I can see why they made a switch. That other girl was hot. Boooiiiinng!
August 13th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
They are really alienating their biggest fans (Adam) by not giving their athletes a couple years to mature and develope high-fiving abilities and pubic mounds.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Dear China,
I know the Olympics are supposed to be about coming together, putting away our differences, and enjoying some friendly competition, but I’m not feeling that. In fact, I’m having the exact opposite reactions. You are really getting on my fucking nerves. All of my hatreds are being amplified. Every time I see the Chinese nail a dive or stick a landing, I want to break my TV. Oh, big fucking whoop, you and one of your 1 billion identical twins can jump off a board into the water at the same time in the same way. That’s probably because you have the mind of an ant and can’t think for yourself so of course your dives will look the same. I’d be more impressed if you could do a unique dive. Try separating yourself from the rest of your robot country. You may be good at a retarded sport once every four years, but guess what, you live in an oppressive country, you have no life, and your childhood is gone, pissed away in a gym preparing for a chance to get a piece of medal around your neck. Now that you’ve won it, sorry, but we have to boil it down and distribute it evenly amongst all your citizens. One more thing, your women’s gymnastics team looks like a bunch of baby lab rats that fell into a vat of glitter. I can’t wait until the games are over so that your underaged athletes can get back to work making my Nikes.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Finally, someone said what we’re all thinking (wink)
August 14th, 2008 at 8:56 pm
This is bullshit. Someone keeps posting as me. Administrator- take care of this shit! And you still owe me a 6 pack of tall boys for my R.A. Dickey joke! Damn it!!! Where is the justice for the little guy!!!
I’m done now.
August 14th, 2008 at 10:12 pm
As a 19-year-old American gymnast just took home the gold medal (and the 13-year-old fell during the landing in her first event), all I could think of was JUSTICE!
August 15th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
And all I could think was, “Oh, cool, she’s 19, I don’t have to feel guilty about what’s happening in my pants right now.”
August 18th, 2008 at 9:27 am
boooooiiiiing!!1