H&F names Fig Jam “Head Coach In Waiting”

The well-respected* blog www.hotdogandfriends.com announced today that offensive contributor “Fig Jam” has been named the Head Coach In Waiting of the blog, set to replace “Hotdog” whenever “Hotdog” retires.  This move comes despite the fact that “Hotdog” has no retirement plans and would not set a timetable for his exodus from the site. 

“At the end of the day, we just really felt like we needed to make this move now and end any speculation before it even got started,” said HotDog.  “From now on, if anything goes wrong with the day to day operations of the blog, I’m just going to send it to Fig Jam to figure out.” 

“I’m on vacation.  I mean, I’m still the head coach and all and will be paid as such, but I’m not going to do shit between now and the time I retire as head coach.  Why would I?  We already have another head coach “in waiting” just hanging out.  Let him do it.  I’m going to Scores.”

Hotdogandfriends joins the likes of Texas, Oregon, Florida State, Purdue, and Kentucky, as programs that have named a new head coach before the actual head coach is not the head coach. 

When reached for comment, Fig Jam released the following statement:

I was under the impression that this was a media stunt.  I mean, I have no intention of actually honoring this new arrangement and if I can get the head coaching position at a better blog anytime between now and the time that Hotdog retires, I’m totally going to take it.  This just seemed like a great way to increase my salary in the short term.  It’s also likely to piss off the other coaches on staff as they now have, what,  two head coaches?  Somehow? 

I’ve already demanded that the plaque outside of my office be changed to reflect the new status and I’ve further declared that in all future staff meettings I am to receive Specality’s croissants instead of Starbucks croissants. 

Also let me further state the second I’m head coach, everyone is fired.  I will also be following up on any recruiting visits that Hotdog makes and as soon as he has left the blogger recruit’s house I will be having a meeting with that recruit to tell him how it really is and that everything that the ‘soon to be former head coach of the blog’ just said is total BS. 

In conclusion, while I do not understand my new position or what it means exactly, I have interpreted it to give me a grand amount of new power which I intend to abuse.  If I overstep my bounds, I will simply refer the offended party to Hotdog… because he’s the head coach after all. 

And thus, the blogging world has been swept up in “Coach In Waiting” mania.  In our humble opinion, it is no longer safe for any business to carry on any further without naming at least one successor to the current boss. 

*not respected