Husky Football hits reset button
Fig Jam
It has emerged that new husky coach Steve Sarkisian will not retain any of Tyrone Willingham’s former assistants, ensuring that next season there will be an entirely new coaching staff on hand for the season. Honestly this should surprise nobody. Part of Sark’s mandate when he was hired was to cleanse the University from the Willingham era and allow everyone to start over. This was a good move.
I have also discovered that certain other aspects of Husky football will be different next year. In a hotdogandfriends.com exclusive, I will disclose the following list of changes that coach Sarkisian has outlined for the 2009 University of Washington Football Team:
1. UW will no longer run a “break but don’t snap” defense.
2. UW will no longer teach the ”hit, but don’t tackle” and ”chase, but don’t catch,” techniques.
4. Also out, the “dance, but don’t run” along with the “throw, but don’t catch” offensive alignments.
5. The offensive line will be asked to abandon the “snap, but don’t block,” routine, while in turn, the defensive line will do away with the “snap, but don’t rush” agenda.
6. Scheduled to be phased out, the “kick, but not straight,” and “wedge but don’t wedge” special teams formations (We are a work in progress).
7. All future Lisfranc injuries have been cancelled.
8. Finally, UW will no longer begin each half with its customary delay of game penalty.
These items all appear to be action items under the Sark regime. Let’s hope they are accomplished.
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9. All starting safeties must be too young to rent a car
10. If a player is a redshirt Sophomore, he will be listed in the program as such
11. Vomiting before games must be exchanged for pants pissing
12. The starting placekicker must have a functional, working leg
I hope the policy of handing the playbook over to the opposing team before each game is also eliminated.
No coach can win with a team with so little talent, no matter how good he is. It will take year.
and maybe we can think about getting another dog so we have our actual mascot on the sidelines again. It killed me that we had no backup mascot.
13. All Chips will stop touting the backup quarterback.
At least one scholarship per academic year will be awrded to the best athlete available who has either been charged with or convicted of a violent crime.