Your 2009 Puppy Bowl Preview

Sager Bombs

FINALLY. Another long year of waiting has finally brought us a new crop of puppies playing on a fake field surrounded by a fake audience.  It’s been consistently better than the real Super Bowl and there’s no real motivation to actually pay attention or be quiet during commericals.  Oh Puppy Bowl 5, you are my favorite made for tv fake Bowl event… and to think that for years I never thought anything could top this.

Here’s the short summary for people who hate adorable baby dogs: 20 brand new puppies this year will run around on a fake field for 2 hours or so and nothing else happens.  Except awesomeness. Also: an African Gray Parrot will sing the national anthem on top of a toy construction truck (I shit you not) and a Chinese Naked Dog will be streaking the festivities. 

Seriously, the NFL should just pack things up now and call it a season.

Included in the mix this year are two pairs of siblings (beagle sisters and miniature pinscher brothers).  Puppy siblings are always cute, but there are a few other MVP candidates I think you should keep an eye on.  After the break, puppy pictures.  The heartless who don’t care can click here

This is Moose.  He is an Australian Shephard Mix and he looks like a train wreck.  Actually he’s so lumpy and goofy looking he kind of looks like if I tried to actually draw a dog.  In Puppy Bowls past these big dogs always just kind of lumber about while the smaller puppies run circles around them, but I have a soft spot for the giant clumsy puppies.  Plus his eyes don’t seem to match.

Speaking of goofy eyes, this is Charlie Brown, he’s a Doberman Mix that Marilyn Manson is probably going to try and adopt.  Do they make colored contacts for dogs?  I just worry about him being picked on, or turning emo.  The world is not ready for an emo Doberman.  Maybe not the favorite to be the best dog out there, but I feel very good about him wanting to jump on things and play tug of war. 

This is Griffey, a Lab Retriever Mix who gets bonus points for the Seattle name (I would call this dog Junior and desperately want his Upper Deck rookie card) and white coat.  Can we call him a vanilla lab?  Lab puppies vary wildly and some can be quite shy, so there’s no way what to expect from this one.  Plus with a name like Griffey you have to expect some sort of paw injury before the first commercial.

Finally, my preseason pick for 2009 Puppy Bowl MVP: Candy Apple.  CA is a Weimeraner Mix, and I have no idea what the fuck kind of name Candy Apple is for a dog. Hell, your guess is as good as mine whether or not this dog is a boy or girl.  Here’s what I do know: I love tuxedo dogs, I love inquisitive puppy faces, and sweet mother of god you have giant ears and I want to tug them like Nixon did to the puppy in Frost/Nixon.

Tags: Fluffy Puppies