Brett Favre Announces He Sucks Too Bad To Keep Sucking At Football

Brett Favre announced his retirement again today.  To give the legend a proper send-off, here is a guest post written by commentator LS-DubC.

With all the absolutely terrible sports we had to endure in 2008 there has been one issue alone that has driven me to near homicidal levels of anger.  This post is an attempt to purge my system of this terrible ball of hate from last year.

Let’s ease into this with one of those blind stat comparisons:

Here we have the 2008 season stats for 3 NFL starting quarterbacks

QB 1-3653 yds, 67.4 CMP %, 19 TD, 7 INT, 97.4 QB RATING (2nd in NFL)

QB 2-4038 yds, 63.6 CMP %, 28 TD, 13 INT, 93.8 QB RATING (6th in NFL)

QB 3-3472 yds, 65.7 CMP %, 22 TD, 22 INT, 81.0 QB RATING (22nd in NFL)

Now how about the last 5 games of the season when it really matters

QB 1-Record (5-0) 187.6 yds per game, 64.8 CMP %, 8 TD, 1 INT, 106.5 QB RATING

QB 2-Record (1-4) 287.8 yds per game, 63.9 CMP %, 11 TD, 4 INT, 101.6 QB RATING

QB 3-Record (1-4) 202.2 yds per game, 56.7 CMP %, 2 TD, 9 INT, 55.8 QB RATING

Wow QB 3 seems like a real piece of shit compared to the other 2 guys.  In fact I would imagine he is hated by nearly everyone and is considered to be a huge cry baby ego maniac piece of shit.  Oh really, you are telling me is he beloved by the media and is going to the Pro Bowl and the other two aren’t.  That seems fair.

The 3 quarterbacks

QB 1- Chad Pennington- The guy who was cut from his team of 8 years the day the messiah landed in New York.  The very same guy who lead the Dolphins (1-15 a year ago) to a victory against his old team to secure an 11-5 season and a division championship.

QB 2- Aaron Rodgers- The guy who was booed at practice, at games, and pretty much everywhere else he went in the state of Wisconsin before he even started a game.  The guy who has been blamed for their digression and lack of playoff appearance despite having a slightly better statistical season than their QB from last year.  It is worth noting that the Green bay’s scoring defense went from 4th in the league in 2007 to 22nd in the league in 2008.

QB 3- You guessed it…Brett Favre.  The incredible Quarterback of the New York Brett’s.  The QB who was tortured and killed on the cross for our sins only to rise again 3 days later and assent to his Heavenly throne.   The guy who can’t walk down the street without a sportscaster trying to mouth-fuck him.

Now we have arrived at the true heart of the issue.  I just don’t understand why people don’t hate Brett Favre.  It makes no sense to me.  How has America not joined together on this seemingly obvious issue?

Why does he get a free pass for being an absolute jackass to the Green Bay organization after 16 years?  He said he was done in Green Bay and they moved forward in new (and correct) direction and then he basically rallied the fans against the organization when he realized he couldn’t live without the ego trip football gives him.  Oh look at his love for the game what a fiery competitor, no what a primadonna selfish asshole.

Why does the fact he plays like a complete retard get glorified as if it is one of his qualities as a quarterback?  If any other QB in this league throws a stupid pass into double coverage and it gets picked off he is an idiot.  Favre does it and that’s just the old fearless gun slinger coming out.  Sports media has such a hard on for him he can do no wrong.  The Kansas City game this season was a great example of this.  He led a last minute touchdown drive to win the game and all you heard was how Favre was the hero once again.  What they never mentioned was that he threw 3 terrible interceptions (1 returned for a touchdown in the 4th quarter) and that was the only reason the game was even within 20 points.

www.favresucks.com

I realize he has been lingering around to break Marino’s records.  That fact doesn’t bother me.  I understand that all great players eventually get old and start sucking.  I am in no way trying to say that Brett Favre was not a hall of fame quarterback and one of the all time greats.   My problem is that he’s been praised so much lately when for 3 out of last 4 seasons a he has been an absolutely terrible NFL quarterback.  The fact he happened to have a good season in 2007 doesn’t change the fact that he has been absolutely stinking up the league before and after that.  Again I don’t care that he has been sucking, I care that I have to listen to how awesome he is every week.

Here are his last 4 seasons

2005 – 3881 yds, 61.3 CMP %, 20 TD, 29 INT, 70.9 QB RATING (31st in NFL)
2006 – 3885 yds, 56.0 CMP %, 18 TD, 18 INT, 72.9 QB RATING (25th in NFL)
2007 – 4155 yds, 66.5 CMP %, 28 TD, 15 INT, 95.7 QB RATING (6th in NFL)
2008 – 3472 yds, 65.7 CMP %, 22 TD, 22 INT, 81.0 QB RATING (22nd in NFL)

I will close with the wise words of Jets RB Thomas Jones. “If somebody is not playing well, they need to come out of the game. You’re jeopardizing the whole team because you’re having a bad day. To me, that’s not fair to everybody else. You’re not the only one on the team. So when you get to the wire and somebody is just giving the game up, I mean, it’s just not [fair].”

Good riddance asshole.