Wild Hawks To Seattle Sounders FC: This Is A FOOTBALL Stadium

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Nothing ruins an opening night like bird carcasses strewn about the stadium. According to a source close to the team, Seattle Sounders FC has abandoned plans to have doves fly around Qwest Field on Opening Night after at least three were killed by marauding hawks.

During a dry-run of Opening Night festivities last Thursday, the soccer team released several white doves from the tunnel, which were supposed to fly around the stadium a bit before returning to their home in Auburn (or thereabouts). However, they soon found themselves in peril as three hawks dive-bombed the easy targets.

What happened after was nothing short of a symbolism-laden massacre. One hawk reportedly killed a dove, dropped the carcass into the stands, and then went back for seconds.

Thanks for the free dinner, bitches!
Thanks for the free dinner!

I still hope the club changes its mind and flies doves on Opening Night – this would be up their with the Blue Angels as the coolest thing any of us will ever see.

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22 Responses to “Wild Hawks To Seattle Sounders FC: This Is A FOOTBALL Stadium”

  1. Manny Faces says:

    Osama Symbolism-Laden

  2. Mike says:

    I heard the doves weren’t actually killed — they were just flopping.

  3. Sager Bombs says:

    Those were just the Mexican National Doves.

  4. Naly D says:

    Does that count as a ‘fowl’?
    [...]US Football is all about the gimmick. The same league which includes the New York Red Bulls and David Beckham’s LA Galaxy, currently minus David Beckham, also features a team called the Seattle Sounders[...]

  5. Richard says:

    The name sounders has been use for a soccer team in the area since 1970s at least or early it’s the traditional name for the Seattle club.

  6. [...] [HotDog and Friends via Deadspin] [...]

  7. Rain says:

    This is what is like
    when doves cry

  8. jamie says:

    From my vantage point at the dry-run, they actually looked like Peregrine falcons…not that it makes a lick of difference. I only saw one of the kills, but the falcon held the dove by one wing for a majestic flyby over the field.

  9. flawson says:

    Thanks for the facts Richard!

  10. Bmalo says:

    Instead of doves they should release either: 1) hungry eagles 2) hawks from a different hawk gang or 3) both 1 and 2. It would be more patriotic and/or bloody, and either way much more entertaining than soccer.

  11. [...] Dog & Friends also reports that a planned Sounders pre-game dove release has been shelved after hawks hunted down and killed the doves. Who’s house? Hawks’ [...]

  12. overmars says:

    are you bleeping kidding me? this is so hilarious. I tell you this was not the Sounders choice, most likely something the league wanted us to add to the opening day spectacle.

  13. Nancy says:

    I think that the HAWKS were just upset I mean it is their field isnt it LOL

  14. That would have been a pretty ugly Opening Night festivities if they had not had a practice run with the doves beforehand. It’s unfortunate that they hawks stay around that area, because the festivities they had planned with the doves would have been pulled off very nicely. On the other hand, now there are less distractions on the team for festivities and more concentration on winning the game, for themselves and for the fans.

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