President William Howard Taft joined Americans everywhere in admiration of Milwaukee Bucks rookie Brandon Jennings’ 55 point outburst against the Golden State Warriors on Saturday night.
“This young negro in Milwaukee impressed all Americans with his ability to fill up the peach basket,” Taft gushed. “As excited as I was to review a telegram report of Mr. Jennings’ spree, I am even more thrilled to eventually see the moving pictures.”
An anonymous White House source relayed that the President’s mustache briefly lost its famous curl. When the President was questioned, he revealed that Jennings had given him a “mouth erection”.
“There is room for the double nickel in Dollar Diplomacy,” Taft concluded.