Week 3 Pac-10 Hoops Preview

I figure with UW out to a 1-3 conference start I ought to bring back last season’s Pac-10 Hoops Preview posts. To shake things up at least.

I follow my favorite soccer team like a civilized sports fan. I check the score of Everton’s game after it happens. If they win? I read it. If they lose close? I read it to see how they blew it. Mild pleasure or mild displeasure – the process takes two minutes either way. Then I’m on to the rest of my day.

With the Huskies, I sit there and watch agonizing possession after agonizing possession. I know they’re not going to get their act together, and that the tone of the game is not going to miraculously change three quarters of the way through. I feel awful while it is happening. Then I feel awful afterward. A lot of the good feeling I get when they win is relief. This is a long-winded way of saying that I am resolved to stop watching blowouts earlier.

Knuckle up, buckleheads. If I like the games they’re in bold.


Arizona State @ Oregon

Oregon thought they were the cat’s pajamas after sweeping the Washington schools on the road. Then they tanked to the Beavs in the last Civil War at Mac Court. In what will reveal it self to be a running theme, I have no idea what is going on in this conference.

I think the phrase “cat’s pajamas” implies getting a cat to accept wearing pajamas. In most cases this would not be cool. You would have made clothes for your cat – not cool. Then the cat would scratch you when you tried to put the pajamas on, and run around until they fell off – not cool. But if the cat somehow accepted the pajamas and then hung out with a bubble pipe? Weird, and probably cool. Far-fetched though.

Arizona @ Oregon State

Is Craig Robinson going to make chicken salad of that Seattle U loss? Was it a crazy ploy to lull Oregon into a false sense of security before the rivalry game? Was it worth it? (No.) The wig-less first lady perplexes.

Cal @ Washington State

Just when everything played out for Cal to get decidedly in the driver’s seat, they dropped an OT game at home to UCLA. The same UCLA that lost to Cal-State Fullerton and Long Beach State. Indefensible. I thought everyone agreed that UCLA would only win 4 games in conference this year. C’mon team! Kick them when they’re down!

Stanford @ Washington

I am totally irrational when it comes to the Huskies. I actually think that the problem with this team is their haircuts. “When we didn’t have mohawks we were good! Now everyone has a mohawk and we suck! It’s the mohawks!” This ignores the fact that Elston Turner has the most absurd hair on the team, and appears to be our least intimidated player.


Cal @ Washington

A preseason conference title game. Now Washington is struggling to reassert itself in the middle of the Pac. It was beyond disappointing to watch Washington wilt in the face of palpable animosity from the Arizona State fans. I would have thought Venoy Overton and Isaiah Thomas would have relished being hated. Instead of “THEY HATE US!!” we got “Wait, they hate us?” Our players have feelings. This troubles me.

Arizona @ Oregon

I feel confident that whatever team finds itself in position to really capitalize on this game will blow it. Everyone in the conference is going to finish 8-10 somehow. Then Seattle U will win the conference tournament despite the notable handicap of not being eligible to play in it. No bids I say! How about that Momo Jones for Arizona, though? Nice player. Born Lamont, he hails from Harlem. This means he can answer both the practical and aesthetic elements of the query, “Where Harlem at?”

Stanford @ Washington State

These teams are just going to do the little things at one another until one of them folds – like a hall monitor dance off.

Robin Thicke Game of the Week

Arizona State @ Oregon State

Mmmm bap. Mmmm bap. Gotcha off guard in a half court trap. Gotcha ya girlfriend ‘fore she caught the clap. Mmmm bap. Mmmm bap. Who ordered these boneless wings? Would a side of bleu cheese put the stank on these things? Mmmm bap. Mmmm bap.

Girl, who told you to wear pants? It’s Robin Thicke. Ooooooowwwww.

I literally released a new album called Sex Therapy. For inspiration, I went undercover in a sex rehab to talk to the freakiest of the freaks. I’m like Tom Wolfe. Except instead of a suit, I just wear a white cocksleeve.

I like basketball because it involves a bunch of fellas trying to put it in the hole. While that happens, I fuck everything. You amateurs, there is no time for athletic representations of sex! Only sex!


Shades of that football game a couple years ago where both USC and UCLA wore their home uniforms. USC was charged a timeout for the infraction, so UCLA called a meaningless timeout right away so nobody would have any excuses. USC self-imposed sanctions in light of the OJ Mayo scandal. In the interest of fair play, UCLA decided to be bad.