Brandon Jennings scored 55 points in November of 1909

President William Howard Taft joined Americans everywhere in admiration of Milwaukee Bucks rookie Brandon Jennings’ 55 point outburst against the Golden State Warriors on Saturday night.

“This young negro in Milwaukee impressed all Americans with his ability to fill up the peach basket,” Taft gushed. “As excited as I was to review a telegram report of Mr. Jennings’ spree, I am even more thrilled to eventually see the moving pictures.”

An anonymous White House source relayed that the President’s mustache briefly lost its famous curl. When the President was questioned, he revealed that Jennings had given him a “mouth erection”.

“There is room for the double nickel in Dollar Diplomacy,” Taft concluded.

Miracle, White Buffalo and Decider of the Fates of Men

Let’s dive into this a little further. The basis of this theory comes direct from my friend and bona-fide Cheesehead Holzie. I’ll let him explain:

Let’s look at the timeline, shall we?

August 4: Favre is officially back (Coach McCarthy’s conference began at 9:15 EDT). In Milwaukee, also at 9:15 EDT, Prince Fielder and Manny Parra get into a fight in the Milwaukee dugout during the Brewers-Reds.

How does this relate to the White Buffalo? Step into the Circle, where all things are one:

On August 20, 1994, just days before the Packers’ season opened, a white buffalo calf was born on a ranch in Janesville, Wisconsin.

The Lakota, Dakota, and Nakota Nations (known collectively as the Sioux) were considered Miracle’s primary spiritual guardians and she played a pivotal role in the fulfillment of their most revered prophecies.  However, her place in the prophecies and beliefs of many tribes made her a highly sacred symbol to many of the American Indian Nations across the continent.  She was seen by a vast number of people as a symbol of hope and renewal for humanity and for harmony between all peoples, all races, in our world today.

However, just nine days earlier the Milwaukee Brewers, who had made the playoffs just two seasons prior, played their last game in the strike-shortened 1994 season. Feeling abandoned by Major League Baseball, the Sioux, buoyed by the birth of Miracle, threw the entirety of their support behind Favre. He promptly led the Pack to their second straight playoff appearance.

Clearly, the Great Sioux Nation had turned its mystical fortunes to this strange quarterback from deepest Mississippi. How could they not? They, like the rest of us, were unsure if baseball would ever return.

The Brewers, forsaken by the natives of the good land, remained mired in mediocrity for years.

And so it remained, until Favre announced his retirement. With him gone, the Brewers possessed a full complement of Sioux mysticism — which they used to bring the NL Central to its knees. Everything was going swimmingly until, as outlined above, Favre announced his desire to be reinstated.

Instantly, all of the Sioux magic flooded out of Miller Park in an awesome torrent. The Brewers, now unprotected against the cruel Universe, promptly imploded.

It became clear to all parties. The Brewers would not — indeed, could not — succeed while the Bearded One roamed on the shores of the Great Cold Bay.

Favre to the Jets was not a football decision. It was a necessity. I believe the Sioux Elders, who of course control all of Wisconsin, met in secret and engineered the trade to New York. Favre had to leave Wisconsin or risk meddling in powers he couldn’t possibly understand.

With Favre safely stowed away in the East, the Brewers escape the wrath of the White Buffalo, whose spirit still roams the plains from Eau Claire to Appleton. Let them enjoy their period of prosperity, from now until the last buffalo roams the Great Plain.*

Sitting Bull, the greatest of the Lakota Sioux

*Or until Milwaukee gets a Major League Lacrosse franchise.