Sark hauled in a big one.

This is a picture I took with my Blackberry of my TV screen.  It’s pretty good, but I wonder if the replay officials in the UW vs. Notre Dame game might have had even better technology…

The picture below is Notre Dame’s two point conversion attempt with 1:20 left in the game. The runner Robert Hughes is clearly down with the ball well short of the goal line. If the runner were correctly called down, then Erik Folk’s field goal for Washington with :06 left would have been for the win instead of the tie.

After they took away Chris Polk’s TD on a play where both of the NBC announcers agreed that it was a touchdown, don’t you think they could have looked at this?

It’s not even close.

Was someone looking for that Husky Arrogance that WSU fans are always complaining about?  Found it! 

This week, as USC prepares to take on Washington State in the Coliseum, USC head Coach Peter Carroll (why doesn’t anyone ever call him Peter?)  may need to spend a little extra time working with his scout teams.  The problem, as I see it, is that the USC offensive and defensive scout teams are going to be running WSU’s gameplan a little too effectively. 

During practice on Tuesday Carroll could be heard screaming at scout team members as they competently ran their plays, made it to their blocking assignments, and executed basic offensive and defensive schemes.  “Looks to me like you didn’t even watch the film on these guys,” Carroll huffed at his scout team coach, who was visibly shaken upon learning that in the 2 days since he had installed the WSU gameplan, his players had picked it up and were now running it better than the incoming Cougar team.  After practice, the coach vowed that on Wednesday, his players would turn the ball over more, protect the quarterback less, and just generally behave in a manner more consistent with Washington State’s “mass confusion” style of play.      “Tomorrow I plan to unveil the ‘no-huddle, no we are in a huddle, wait-what’s a huddle,  offense.’  I’m confident that nobody will understand what’s going on.”

To help with the atmosphere that comes with a WSU trip into town, Carroll had music pumped into practice.

Jake Locker came up with two throws on that final drive that Husky fans will talk about for years. UW’s previously maligned kicking game found a new Folk Hero (thanks Dr. Fig Jam) as young master Erik came of age in a major way. And that linebacking corps never let USC’s pyrrhic ground success get to them – coming up with play after play when it mattered. Butler, Foster, Savannah. Immense.

Did WSU’s fans really rush the field after beating SMU? Will Arizona survive losing Rob Gronkowski for the season? Can I beat the rush and pick up Jahvid Best on my fantasy team now?

All that and we pick next week’s games against the spread. Click the links below to enjoy!

09.22.09 Pac-10 Football Podcast (part one)

09.22.09 Pac-10 Football Podcast (part two)

Say who said Dawgs ain’t bad motherf#@!ers

Here’s the link.

The bittersweet spoils of victory, but good for Jake.

It ain’t against the law, put your hand into a paw.

Props to Amber for coming up with the name.  I don’t have anything else to say, other than I should work more.

USC had just enough to take down the Buckeyes in the Horseshoe. UCLA went into Knoxville and shocked the Vols. Oregon State survived their annual self-inflicted trap game at UNLV.

Can the Dawgs take advantage of USC’s inevitable Ohio State hangover? Will we be anything but entertained when Cincinnati comes to Corvallis in a matchup of two of the country’s best coaches? And is WSU really a home dog to SMU? (Yes. Yes they are.)

Click the links below to enjoy!

09.15.09 Pac-10 Football Podcast (part one)

09.15.09 Pac-10 Football Podcast (part two)

As we approach yet another Pac 10 football season there is much commentary on what each team has to look forward to in the coming season.  This is the time of the year for unbridled optimism.  To provide a little perspective in contrast to everyone’s rose bowl colored glasses, here is why your favorite Pac 10 team is a joke. 

Arizona Wildcats

Hey did you know that your coach is Bob Stoops’ younger brother?  Did you know that?  Well, if you didn’t know then let me be the first to inform you that your head coach is the younger sibling of one of the best college football coaches in the country.  In fact, your coach made a name for himself (well…. sort of) by working for his older brother at Oklahoma.   Isn’t that neat?  He also has a gigantic temper problem and can often be seen on the sidelines acting like a complete ass.  Kinda like a spoiled little kid who’s older brother has always protected him but happens to be out of town so that spoiled little kid has no idea what to do when a bully takes his lunch money except hop around, piss and moan, and just generally act like an assclown.   Yeah, he’s a classy guy down there.

Seriously though Arizona – you are a fucking joke.   You once played in the “Salad Bowl,” and you lost.  To Drake.  You’ve never been to the Rose Bowl.   That’s right.  Zero Rose Bowl appearances.  Ever.  Only school in the Pac 10 who can make that claim.  Nice work.

Arizona State Sundevils

That’s an awesome 8.4 million dollar “devil dome” you have there ASU.  Man that thing is sweet.  Good idea building a indoor facility for your players so they can get out of the heat sometimes.  What’s that made out of  anyways, toothpicks and glad garbage bags?  Oh and how long was that “devil dome” standing before it got absolutely owned by a windstorm?  1 month?  Nice.  Did you clear it with god before you constructed a fabric building named after satan in a region of the country prone to windstorms?  No, looks like you did not.

Your devil dome does provide a nice metaphor for the stability of your program though. 

(also – I gave Zona crap for losing the “salad bowl” to Drake, but you one upped them there didn’t you.  0-2 lifetime with losses to Xavier and Miami of Ohio.  Xavier hasn’t played D1 football since 1973.  Well done.)

California Golden Bears

Hey Cal, do  you guys have a tree I can live in?  Do you?  I’m in the market for a  tree that’s kinda close to your stadium.  A nice tree with good foliage and that may or may not be where you’d like to construct a few upgrades like a nice new weightroom.  If all  goes according to plan, myself and a few other tree hugging hippies who have no money or clout good samaritans will succeed in stalling out your improvement plans for several seasons.  Nothing says, “our football program has political juice in the University” like the inability to get a few people out some trees around your stadium.  Sure you can beat USC, but when it comes to tree-sitters, you get owned. 

If this was the SEC or Big 12 this tree sitter scenario would have lasted about 2 weeks.  One week for the alumni association to plan the “beer, brats, and shooting hippies out of trees (BYOG)” alumni event, and then one week to hold the “Beer, brats, and shooting hippies out of trees (BYOG)” alumni event.

 The last time Cal played in the Rose Bowl Alaska wasn’t even a state.  The last time Cal won a Rose Bowl our President was Franklin Roosevelt.  Anyways, your ‘resurgent’ football existence continues this year Cal.  I look forward to visiting your stadium soon and sitting on “tightwad hill,” where the joke is that people don’t even care about your team enough to pay to come into the stadium. 

Oregon

So my shoelaces on my new running shoes just snapped.  Should I call admissions or the administration to find out about where I can get a new pair?  No I’m serious, what about my running shoes?  I paid 115 dollars for these shoes but it appears that the kid in Malaysia that assembled them didn’t do a very good job – so I want answers Oregon. See if you can’t pull yourself away from your flatscreen TV’s and automatic frosted glass doors for 2 seconds to address the needs of the shoe-buying public. 

You know what else is weird?  I went to your football practice facility to try and evaluate this year’s team, but all I found were a bunch of guys with sewing machines.  I interviewed the quarterback, who  thought that the new wings on the shoulderpads were “Fabulous” and the Linebackers chipped in that the new white Uni’s were “breathtaking” and “stunning.”  I guess you know what’s important down there.  Oh and one more thing – your mascot is literally Donald Duck.  Want to know what happens when you search “Oregon Ducks Funny Pics”  on google?  Here:

Real nice.  Explain that. 

I leave you with this:

 ”Ducks are the college football version of Paris Hilton…they’re famous for no reason, they look pretty and they got a rich daddy.” – Kirk Herbstreit

Oregon State

Are you a Beaver believer?  Do you realize that your team mascot is a beaver?  How do you feel about that? 

A question I had for you Oregon State is what’s the deal  with your stadium? Why, when you remodeled it, did you only make it so that 1/2 of it is beautiful and nice and the other half looks like a high school stadium?  Further to that point, why when your games are televised, does it appear that the camera crews are only allowed to show the side that makes it look like you have a legitimate stadium?  Where are the panoramic views of “Reser Stadium” showing both the side with the nice seating, the luxury boxes, and the  2-tiered designed, across from the side featuring 40 rows of straightback bleacher seating?  What happened there exactly?  Why is one entire side of your stadium 1/2 the size of the other side?  Did you run into some construction problems?  Did too many Beavers fall victim to falling trees, causing construction to be halted?  Is that it?

Moment of silence for those Beavers who lost their lives in the construction of a completely unbalanced stadium:

I guess you might be a joke if you construct your home field to appear to television audiences as if it is large and in charge, but if you pan the camera just a little bit to the… “DON’T PAN OVER THERE…. DON’T!!”.. Oh ok. 

Stanford

Stanford, you have a problem with Shrinkage.   That’s right, you actually shrank your football stadium’s capacity and it still isn’t full of people.  Maybe you need to see your doctor about that.  Maybe you should playfootball in Maples Pavillion.

I did see that your band can take a tackle or two though.  How does it feel that the most famous play in your school’s football history involves your teams band?  How does it feel that John Elway’s career at your school ended with him on the sidelines watching “the play?”   I bet that sucks actually.  It probably hurts to think about even today.  My question Stanford is if you are so smart, why was your band on the field before the game was over? 

 Pull your pants up Stanford,  your shrinkage is embarassing.

UCLA

Hey, I know you.  You’re that other school in LA aren’t you?  The school in the nice area of town with the incredible basketball tradition and the coach who systematically destroyed the institutions where he was previously employed.  Yeah I thought I recognized you UCLA.  How’s that coaching thing going anyways?  Any NCAA violations yet? No.  Ok well just hold on a few months because they are on the way.  Let me ask you this UCLA, what exactly about your coaches reputation drew you to him as a coaching candidate?  Was it his nickname?  Slick Rick.  Was it the fact that nobody has heard from Colorado or Washington since he left those schools in a smoldering pile of ruins? Is that it?  I mean, I would  think that you feel invisible already seeing as you share LA with a team that absolutely owns the conference.  I’m surprised you would take the next step of leveling your own program just to make sure that people knew you were irrelevant. 

“FOLLOW ME.”

USC TROJANS

You know what I love about Pete Carroll, his energy.  He’s bouncing around practice, he’s yelling, he’s pumped, he’s having a good time.  Whether he’s talking to players or boosters or agents or steriod dealers or money launderers or ineligible high school kids, that guy’s message is always on point.  “We will cheat our ass off to win.”  It’s ironic because you’d think being in the largest market in the conference and having incredible tradition and a rich recruiting base to draw from would be enough to win straight up, but I like that you guys over at USC don’t leave anything to chance. 

And speaking of all that tradition at SC, how about that Heritage Hall.  You still have OJ Simpson featured there?  Of course you do, because you don’t care about the fact that he’s a cold blooded killer.  You care about the fact that he could really knife through a defense and won you a heisman. Stay classy USC.

Washington

Sigh.  You are a motherfucking joke of a joke Washington.  Your sorry sack got slashed and burned by Slick Rick, went on a wins diet with Keith “Slim” Gilbertson, and then watched as Tyrone Willingham came in and treated everyone and everything around your program like shit for 4 seasons.  You got punked by that guy.  0-12.  Nice. Fucking. Job.   Oh and then when you did fire him you let him coach out the season “for the kids” and let him air you out every chance he had.  Especially nice touch when he played the race card and said that minority coaches only get the “Downtrodden” programs.  Fuck I guess he’s right, when he showed up in December of 2004 it had  been almost four years since you won a Rose Bowl Washington.  FOUR.  I mean, imagine if you were like Cal or Oregon or Arizona and it had been 50 or 90 years since that had happened, or if it had never happened.  Think of how downtrodden you would have been then.

Yeah, you played your cards well there you sly dawgs you.  Your big plan for revival consists of robbing a bank and then robbing USC of half its coaching staff.  Good luck with that.

Washington State

If you can believe it, you are more pathetic than Washington.  Can you believe that Washington State?  You beat them last season and people still believe that you were the worst team in the conference.  How sad is that?  Speaking of sad, have you seen your stadium?  Calling it a postage stamp is being generous.  You cram almost 34,000 people in on gamedays, except when your team is bad and then it’s nowhere near that many.  WSU you have played a college football game in the past 3 seasons that had less people at it than a Syracuse basketball game.  Fail. 

Oh and it gets worse – you named your stadium after a UW grad.  How the hell is that possible?  Who was asleep at the tractor wheel for that call?  I don’t care how much money Mr. Martin donated to your school, when it comes to naming your football stadium, you don’t name it after a graduate of your rival institution.  If you want to name a building after him, fine, do it on campus somewhere far away from the sports complexes. 

When Ted Miller came up for a Northwest tour of the Pac 10, he  spent time at all the schools.  Washington, Oregon, Oregon State.  Yep, he got ‘em all.  Didn’t miss anybody.  Joke’s on you Wazzu.  

Booiooiiioooiiiiiinnnnnggggg!!!

YOWWWWZAAA!!

More Boner Jamz after the break!!

THEY ARE WEARING WHIIIIIITE!!!

Special appearance by Mateen Cleaves

On the way to a date-rape appointment.

Mateen Cleaves and Spirit

Oh Brother! This sure is one hot babe.

Mateen Cleaves enjoying seeing the sights of the city

My costume right now is Guy With Boner

Aaaand my dick just exploded.

Simple question: which single program is the most important to Husky Athletics at this moment? Is it still the flailing football squad? The basketball team with warning track power? The smaller sports that are suddenly getting done, or the crew program that quietly kicks ass and names names year after year?

Or the girls in short skirts with the fluffy puppy? Talk amongst yourselves…

While an unpopular decision in the Pacific Northwest, the choice should give Heaps a chance to be a four-year starter for the Cougars.

What do you think of this development? Has Heaps made the right choice?

Gangel!

1-800-562-6000

Plenty of reasons to support the passage of the bill, which among other things provides financing options for the renovation of Key Arena as well as Husky Stadium:

-Necessary to eventually force Clay Bennett to pay yet another $30 million for hijacking our team.

-Prerequisite for Steve Ballmer to step in and generously finance HALF of the new arena.  What a hero Ballmer is.

-The original bowl of Husky Stadium was built in the 1920s, by any measure that’s a fantastic return on investment, and overdue for an overhaul.

-You will never be able to get the construction done for cheaper than right now.

-Creates construction jobs.

-It’s not a new tax.

-Seems like politicians around here get famous for opposing things.  Let’s get something done for a change.

1-800-562-6000

Save Our Sonics

It’s good to be on top.

In the wake of the Huskies’ Pac-10 Championship, Page 2 writer and former UW Daily Editor Jim Caple weighs in with a masterful piece that captures the joy of college sports. Let’s take a moment to commend Mr. Caple on a job well done. When something notable happens in Seattle, Caple’s the guy who brings it to the masses:

They will remember this day and this season long after their student loans are paid off, with the tales no doubt growing ever taller as the years pass. “Remember how we camped out all week for the Wazzu game in nothing but sleeping bags, and it snowed, like, a foot and a half one night, and it was so cold our vomit froze on our faces and we caught pneumonia but we still stood for the entire game despite 104-degree temperatures? God, those were great times!”

As the final seconds ticked down and the party broke out, Brockman allowed himself a glance around the old gym, to preserve the memory of not just this moment but of his whole four years at Washington.

 

 

“I was just looking at the people and their reactions,” Brockman said. “I knew how happy they had made me and how special they had made me feel, and I really wanted to see that same enjoyment on their faces. Looking around in the gym, there was so much energy, so much excitement — that’s exactly why we all picked up a basketball in the first place.”

Read the entire article: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/090309&sportCat=ncb

This article speaks to the very reason my friends and I started this site. If it weren’t for the glories of our college years (the 2001 Rose Bowl, humbling Oregon at Autzen in 2002 (my personal favorite) and four consecutive years of Apple Cup triumphs), we probably not be doing this. Sure, the NBA and NFL are great way to pass an afternoon, but nothing intertwines the feelings of drama and ownership like intercollegiate athletics.

And therein lies the great crime of Husky ineptitude for the past several seasons. An entire graduating class of Dawgs were robbed of these spectacular highs. There really is nothing like college athletics – the capacity for enormous, communal elation is unmatched by anything.

Not to get all F. Scott Fitzgerald on you, but that’s why us alumni keep turning out for tailgates. Sure, you can have fun at a Husky game in your 20′s or 30′s, but nothing matches the electricity of being in the student section. We’re all trying to recapture that feeling, if just for a moment. We wear nicer gear and have better food at the tailgates, but any of us would trade places with the skinny kid in the dirty hoody sitting right behind the band.

I’m really happy for the students that were at that game. And even though my girlfriend and I watched the game on Catalina Island in a tropical-themed dive, I could tell what it meant to them. Go Dawgs!

There is never a bad time to run a picture of Dubs. Get that bag! Get it!

Besides losing 20 pounds (totally going to happen), how else will I better myself in the new year?

4. Go see Abdul Gaddy, Josh Smith and Tony Wroten play.

cnnsi.com

Jamal Crawford, Doug Wrenn, Brandon Roy, Nate Robinson, Will Conroy, Tre Simmons, Jon Brockman, Ryan Appleby, Martell Webster, Spencer Hawes, Marcus Williams, Terrence Williams, Isaiah Thomas and countless others. Even Brian Morrison. Maybe especially Brian Morrison. He must have balled to get that UNC scholarship!

If I could go back in time and watch these guys play high school hoops for $5 would I? Absolutely I would. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Friday night.

All three will be in the house for this year’s King Holiday Hoopfest on January 19th (aka Fig Jam’s birthday). That is too perfect to pass on.

3. Add Joe Posnanski to national columnist rotation.

I’m always on the hunt for good sportswriting, and there are only so many Jamboroos one can wade through before noticing they’re all the same (quite good, but the same). Is it too much to ask that I be entertained and edified? Of course not.

Everyone reads Bill Simmons, who is enjoying a mild renaissance (not that he ever slipped that far). Jason Whitlock has been off the chains at Fox Sports recently with his highly entertaining ESPN lambasting.

One guy who is a little under the radar is the KC Star’s “other” columnist Joe Posnanski. Posnanski is one of the best baseball writers going (and if there’s one thing left to respect about baseball, it’s that it boasts by far the best writing). Having checked out KC Joe’s offerings on CNNSI over the past few weeks I can relay that they are meaty and entertaining. Posnanski has been around the block, and his broad perspective is one to bask in.

2. Attend first Pac-10 football road game.

oregonstate.edu

Of these four, this is one that could be tabled. I have no shame in admitting the idea of driving to Corvallis to watch a likely poor (but improving!) Husky team holds minimal appeal. If I’m going to invest a weekend I’d like to see a win. Of the two great sporting shames in my life, the fact that I’ve yet to attend a Husky road football game ranks right below that I’ve never watched He Got Game except for brief segments on cable. God that’s embarrassing to admit.

1. Go to Sounders opener.

seattlest.com

The first sporting event I ever attended I don’t even remember. It was a Sounders game in the early 80s. The first team I ever loved? Tacoma Stars of the Major Indoor Soccer League in the mid 80s (Preki=God). The point is that local soccer has a rich tradition, and hopefully this game is one you’ll be proud to have attended decades down the line.

The Sounders open up on March 19th against the New York Red Bulls.

What are your new year sports resolutions?

A new head coach being named might possibly give the Dawgs a little boost this Saturday at Cal. According to BetUS Sportsbook, the Dawgs are 35 1/2 point underdogs. Looking at the rest of the NCAA lines, that makes the Huskies the biggest underdogs of the week. Here’s to 0-12!

SARK BONUS!

Since, you know, it’s The Apple Cup and all, here some gnarly burns you can throw around the office to ramp-up this epic rivalry.  We will start with an oldie but goodie…

It seems there was this fellow named Smythe who graduated from the Washington State University. He had decided to seek employment as a salesman for a haberdashery located in the city of Seattle. He procured an interview with the owner, one Mr. Longfellow, the following morning. Smythe arrived at Longfellow’s and took a seat in the parlor. Longfellow entered the room and said with a booming baritone, “I will hire thee immediately if you just name for me the Patron Saint of Haberdashers.” Smythe stood up and wagged his finger, “Why that would be Saint Louis XI!” he exclaimed. Longfellow chortled, “You imbecile, the Patron Saint of Haberdashers is Saint Louis IX, I can clearly see you were educated at an inferior university.” He then tossed out this zinger of a farewell, “and were I like thee, I would throw myself away in the rubbish bin.”

And it only goes downhill from here…

Q:  How do you neuter a Cougar?
A:  Kick his sister in the mouth.

Q:  What’s the difference between a Cougar and a pizza?
A:  A pizza doesn’t scream when you put it in an oven.

Q:  Why don’t WSU girls wear panties to picnics?
A:  To keep the flies off the food.

They are pretty awesome sometimes

Q:  What is similar about WSU Cheerleaders and a hockey goalie?
A:  They both change their pads after 3 periods.

Q: Why aren’t there any WSU grads on Star Trek?
A: They don’t work in the future either.

Q: What is similar between WSU alumni and hot older women on the prowl for younger men?
A: They are both dead inside.

Q:  How does a WSU chick take a pregnancy test?
A:  She shoves a can of Busch Light up her snatch and if it comes out empty then you know another retard is on the way.

Q: What do you call a Cougar in the wild?
A: You can call it a cougar, although they can also be called a puma, panther or mountain lion depending on the region. They have also been referred to as catamounts and mountain screamers.

That last one is funny because it is true. Post your best below.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34927

I decided to miss attending this one in person just in case I needed to commit an emergency suicide.  So come join Bea Arthur (my bong) and I on the couch as we enjoyed this afternoon’s crapfest.

"Sometimes" did not include today.

Continue to read after the jump if you want to relive the punishment:

Pregame:
Today’s game is being broadcast by Versus – the network that nobody knows what number channel it is on.  Looks like they are using the same camera equipment from the Soviet Union that Fox Sports uses.

Cut to some analyst guy catching a fish at Pike Place Market.  Reminder:  Vote Yes on Prop 1 so we can keep seeing this hilarious scenario played out until the end of days.

Joe Beninati and Kelly Stouffer(!!!) are our broadcast team today.  They are expecting a physical game due to Afalava blow to Jake Locker last year.  I wonder what kind of Afalava we are gonna see today, a’a or pahoehoe?  (Note:  I am already 3 Bea Arthur’s deep.)

1st Quarter:

14:54:  Ronnie Fouch lines up in the shotgun for the first play of the game.  WHISTLE.  Delay of game.  Ty deciding to start the game off on the right foot.

13:30:  Long pass by Fouch to D’Andre Goodwin negated by holding penalty on Jordan White-Frisbee.   An unfortunately typical drive leading to a punt.

10:33: Wow, two false start penalties on this drive for Oregon St.  It’s not like the fans in Husky Stadium are causing this though.  I am guessing that a large contingent is still pounding drinks in the parking lot.

…and the Huskies actually hold OSU on 3rd and long and force a punt.  I consider this to be as good as a touchdown for this team.

Commercial for the XL Explorer pizza at Papa John’s tied in with Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  So I guess the pizza will look like it will be awesome like other pizzas, but then when you bite into it you will find it to be filled with dog shit.

7:40:  Fouch goes deep again for Goodwin who makes a great adjustment to make the catch.  48 yards.  I like what I’m seeing between these two.  (Ok Manny don’t get your hopes up.  Remember this is the team that has crushed your soul the last few years.)  It was a lucky catch.

5:00:  45-yard field goal coming so that means Jared Ballman will be kicking.   This has block written all over it.  Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap.  What??  He actually made it! Why is Ryan Perkins even on the team at this point?   Huskies up 3-0.

Stouffer makes an observation that a 3-0 Washington lead is like a 100-0 lead to this team.  Thanks Kelly, we know we suck, but it’s not like we are fielding a team of Special Olympians.

2:30:  After converting on 4th and 1, the Beavers run a fly sweep that James Rodgers runs takes 52-yards for the score.  Beavers up 7-3, or in Stouffer points 950,000-100.

1:26:  Stouffer reveals that Ronnie Fouch’s mom bought him the wrong shaving cream for him, causing a nasty rash on poor Ronnie’s face yesterday – more like Ronnie Ouch!
1:00:  Fouch for Goodwin deep again.  Goodwin called out-of-bounds but we are gonna take another look at this one.  Replay shows that Goodwin had at least one foot down.  However, the call on the field stands and Fouch comes back and throws a big, fat greek interception.   Just the kind of sequence the Husky fans have come to expect the last few seasons.

2nd Quarter:

14:15:  OSU hits a field goal.  10-3

11:30:  Terrence Dailey gets absolutely crushed by Afalava who leads with his head with this tackle again.  Hopefully the ghost of Curtis Williams will come back and haunt him.  Seriously, the dude is begging to be paralyzed.

11:00:  FUMBLE!  OSU recovers.  Shit.  Must soothe nerves…

Ease that pain...

8:50:  Beavers score on a nice 30-yard screen to James Rodgers again.  17-3.

7:30:  Fouch completes another nice pass to Goodwin.  The ball is perfect, with just enough touch to make it over the covering corner and hit Goodwin in stride.  It’s the kind of pass that I don’t think we are ever going to see Locker make.

3:30:  Ballman misses a 40-yarder.  Looks like UW is settling into the norm.

1:00:  Fouch to Goodwin again.  46-yards this time.  This seems to be the only offense that UW can muster.  This leads to a 44-yard field goal by Ballman with 0:25 left.

Halftime:
Huskies lingering around thanks to the Fouch-Goodwin express.  Goodwin has 122 yards at half.  Oregon St. has been finding huge holes in the Husky defense.  Knowing that Ty has about as much motivational power as my couch, a bag of weed, and a Man vs. Wild marathon, I expect UW won’t stay close for long.  Speaking of which, I wonder what’s on the Discovery Channel right now…

3rd Quarter:

13:18:  My favorite guy on defense, Mason Foster, is hurt.  Luckily he walks off under his own power and will hopefully be back.

8:30:  Backjizz Rodgers finds the end zone and the Beavers are pulling away 24-6.

4:00:  Ryan Perkins comes in to kick a 36-yarder.  Why the fuck would you do this?  Just stick with the fucking Ballman.  Perkins misses left, big surprise.

2:19:  Fouch takes a hit but completes a nice long ball to Jordan Polk.
…and we go into the 4th Quarter with an interception by Afalava.  Fuck you dude.  Seriously.

4th Quarter:

11:59:  Terrence Dailey blows through the defense for a huge 50-yard touchdown!  Just when I was thinking about how the Huskies were probably the most boring team to watch play offense…they go and do something moderately exciting.

7:30:  A bizarre little bit where the sideline guy, Lewis Johnson, decides to talk about how much Teo’Nesheim loves mayonnaise (“Mayo for Teo”).  Apparently he eats it on everything.  To demonstrate this point, there is a nice spread on a table of the following:  peanut butter and mayonnaise sandwich, mayonnaise stew, mayonnaise lasagna, Fruit Loops and mayonnaise, Ho-Ho’s and mayonnaise, and mayonnaise brownies.  This is really the best you can expect considering Versus’ $50 production budget.

I think it’s time to get the fuck out of here.  What else is on TV now?  Ah yes! Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties – this will keep the razors from my wrists for a couple hours.

Check back in informs me that the final score was 34-13.  We suck.

Here are some capital knockers though:

Ah boobs. Making me forget about the hurt since 1981.

I don’t really have much to add than the headline.  Colorado was two and Eugene was three.  Oklahoma and Salt Lake City were not ranked.  So, yeah.  We don’t have much but the beer is still fantastic.  So we’ve got that going for us.

Also: I miss the Olympia stubby.  Cheap, delicious, and it came with a rebus, which eventually would turn into drunken Classic Concentration.  These days the northwest needs all the beer they can get.  Sign the petition to bring them back.