And so what if I like Frasier? That was an excellent show that has aged quite nicely.

The scene that stuck out to me was where hundreds of Sonics fans gathered outside the courthouse – during the last ditch case to enforce the team’s lease with the city – to give Clay Bennett a piece of their collective mind. Bennett sneaked out the back door, and a man holding a camera sprinted around the back to catch Bennett.

The winded man with the camera yelled “Save our Sonics” to a non responsive Bennett who was safe inside the tinted windows of his SUV. The futile yelling perfectly represented the very real impotence of Sonics fans then and now.

The team was going to move. We had no say in it. It never mattered that we cared. The whole tragedy was a hard lesson in the realities of pro sports that I have still stubbornly yet to fully process.

It is hard for the part of me that loves sports to admit what the rational side of me knows: these teams are not beholden to the cities they play in. Anyone can move. The NBA and other leagues will pit cities against one another in an effort to create and exploit the best possible economic situations for themselves.

I suppose I have no theoretical problem with this. I have not read enough about economics to be totally sure, but I posit that capitalism is teh bombz. Talk to me in a decade when I have my subscription to the New Left Review, after spending terrible hours weighing Wealth of Nations against Das Kapital.

I still watch the NBA and pro sports in general for a couple of reasons. Nick Hornby wrote in Fever Pitch that people follow sports because they are a refreshing contrast to the ambiguities of, you know, reality. There is an agreed upon framework of rules in which the game is contested. There is a winner and a loser and it will be decided in a relatively short period of time. I like that. I understand it.

The other reason is explained in the documentary by Sherman Alexie. This is a rough paraphrase. Ray Allen might have been the greatest shooter in the history of basketball. Because of the Sonics, the greatest shooter of a basketball in the history of the world lived in Seattle during the prime of his career. Probably some of the greatest computer programmers in the history of the world live in Seattle as well. Probably some of the greatest designers of airplane parts. Or whatever. I can’t really relate to that. I have however shot a basketball thousands of times. I could appreciate the majesty of Ray Allen’s jumper, and it was on display for relatively cheap 41 nights a year.

As if you couldn’t tell by reading this far, I’m rambling. I guess the last thing I want to say is that the Seattle based attorney for Bennett’s group, Bradley Keller, comes across as a smug asshole. Keller basically credits the settlement of the Key Arena lease that ultimately sent the Supes to Oklahoma City to his brilliance in the trial. Keller doesn’t appear to care about the case one way or the other, just so long as everyone notices that he is awesome. Congrats dickbag. You are a real credit to your profession.

I suppose the documentary is actually worthwhile if it can inform a few people that the reason the Sonics left Seattle is a hell of a lot more complicated than the notion that the city or the people didn’t care one way or the other. We cared. It just didn’t matter.

Watch it. Hate the situation. Resolve to put yourself in a position one day to fuck over everyone who fucked us. Failing that, someone will be fucked. Fuck.

www.sonicsgate.org

• They lost to Stanford at home.  39-13.  But it’s progress.
• Sophomore wideout Kevin Norrell was out sick last week.  He must have the same reaction to Nyquil as I do, because while he was sick he managed to get arrested at 3 in the morning for (takes a deep breath) “DUI AND Reckless Driving AND Criminal Trespassing 2nd Degree AND No Valid Operating License without ID.”  It was announced today he’s been dismissed for the season.
• WSU plays Hawaii this week but it was announced that they’re paying the Rainbows $300,000 to get out of playing in Hawaii in 2011.  To be fair, the contract was a 2-for-1 (2 in Hawaii, 1 in Pullman/Seattle).   Coug officials cited uncertainty in the future Pac-10 schedule.
• This website remixed the Coug fight song.  If you like the Coug fight song, and you like techno, Christmas just came early.

With the Big Unit getting win #300 last night, it’s funny to think how long the guy has been around since the M’s unloaded him to Houston in 1998.   That trade seems like decades ago (oh wait, it was) so maybe you’ve forgotten some of the details of it.  Let’s recap, shall we?

Remember how Randy Johnson put David Segui on the disabled list because he was pissed that Segui wouldn’t turn down his rap music in the clubhouse?  AND he went after him again when Segui made disparaging remarks about him to Jay Buhner?

Remember that he pouted and refused to talk to the media until the deal finally went down?

Remember that he was actually traded mid-game?

Remember how everyone bashed the deal for Freddy Garcia, John Halama and Carlos Guillen, with GM Woody Woodward going to the media to defend himself by saying:

“The best deal I had available was two months ago (with the Dodgers, Ismael Valdes, Wilton Guerrero and minor-league pitcher Ted Lilly), and the organization decided not to make it.”

Yikes.  And we thought the Freddy deal was bad.  Note that Woodward was also lusting after Dave Burba.

Remember how the Randy Johnson deal was actually part of the Mark Langston deal, which was similarly reviled?

Call me crazy, but even with 130/300 of those wins coming with the M’s, I don’t see Randy going into Cooperstown in a Seattle cap.  Of course, in a perfect world he’d go in wearing a pigeon on his head anyway.

Hong Man Choi Jose Canseco Fight Video

In other news, soccer fans are still classy:

Apparently lamb-skin condoms = Spud Webb posting up on Michael Jordan. In other words, ineffective. Has anyone since the 1800′s even used lamb-skin? Seems like something you can fry up and eat after using.

The Seahawks team store always has had some really bizarre items in it, but this for some reason really entertains me.  That little blurb up there is on one side of the coin… if you want to see the whole thing click the link and enjoy. 

My favorite parts of the coin:

• It’s not actually a “coin” in that it has value per se.  It’s a coin in that it is an engraved circular piece of metal.  All the value comes from the slightly amateurish drawing of Coach Holmgren. 
• That resume up there pointing out that he led the Seahawks to the Super Bowl.  Um… why not just say NFC Champions?  I’m pretty sure we know what happened after the team was led.
• It’s a freaking collectible coin.  Where does this stand compared to collectible plates?  Will it go up in value?  Should I be investing in these or Obama t-shirts? 
• The page says the coin requires 4-6 weeks for “production”, which suggests these are being made to order in the Qwest Field basement.
• The action shot of Holmgren coaching, which is (naturally) one of him giving a stink face.  Clearly the team was on defense at the time.

This page has given me a good hour of enjoyment today.  COLLECTIBLE COIN FEVER!  I hope it becomes a set and the next one is of Julius Jones with a frowny face.  Or maybe a Justin Forsett coin so I can give up on it and toss it to someone else. Then they can decide they don’t want it either and then I’ll pick it back up, try and use it in a transaction, and be shocked to find out it’s nowhere as valuable as people on the internet thought. 

COIN FEVER!

So ok.  Fine.  Griffey’s coming to Seattle.  And not this Griffey either. Is it really the right move for a rebuilding team?  Is it really going to increase attendance?  Oh sorry, you must be lost.  You were obviously looking for this site.  But what can HD&F bring to the table?  Ideas, baby!  We got em’.  And if the M Bombs are going into the nostalgia game, then knit me a sweater, pour me a brandy, and fire up the Bing Crosby 45’s, because I’m about to make sweet nostalgic mind-love to the entire front office. 

This is the other shit I want back this year:

1.  THE KINGDOME DOUBLE DOG

Before we even get into discussing this, let me just give a shout out to Google Safe Image Search.  Typing in “double hot dog” into image search had me cringing before I even hit return.  Fortunately, no dongs.  Google: providing a porn  free internet for people at work, the deeply religious, and asexual.  What a business model!

MOVING ON… the Kingdome Double Dog.  I still remember the first time my 10 year old fat ass saw this available at the concession stands.   Do you remember the Kingdome concession stands?  That’s probably for the best.  To say Safeco was a mild culinary improvement (and by that I mean an upgrade to “edible”) is like saying Bill Bavasi was mildly under qualified to run a franchise.   But while the Kingdome might have been lacking in firepower, they always had one bullet.

DOUBLE FUCKING DOG. 

I mean, look at it.  See how it has two hot dogs instead of one? See?  With the little strip of extra bun in the middle? I mean, what else do I need to say?  This is either blowing your mind or you’re hoping that Safeco expands their hot tea selection.    

2. TURN AHEAD THE CLOCK NIGHT

Look… Griffey loved it!  And somehow these uniforms are mildly less embarrassing than a few past ones.

3. THE MOTHERFUCKING PIRATE SHIP IN CENTERFIELD

I’ve been lobbying for this for years now.  The Kingdome used to have a pirate ship in the outfield (where that blue tarp is in the very first picture up top) and it would shoot off cannon blasts after home runs.  Did you forget that the Kingdome was, in fact, a dome?  Does this sound like an easy way to make everyone smell gunpowder for 30 minutes after every blast?  You would be exactly right!  Apparently SOMEONE up in corporate decided they didn’t want the military equivalent of a monster fart lingering around the stadium, so they went ahead and replaced the ship.  With indoor fireworks.  Which caused an even worse sulfur smell. 

Come on M’s.  Bring back the pirate ship.  It’ll give us a reason to hate Tampa Bay besides Randy Winn (even though that’s more than enough).  Your football stadium pirate ship is weak!   We could totally win in a battle of fake cannonballs!

4. THE TEARS OF JOEY CORA

Best giveaway night ever.  Place one tear in a vial (a la Angelina Jolie) and give them out to the first 10,000 fans.  How will we get 10,000 tears out of Joey Cora?  Remind him his coaching career is based on the continued sanity of Ozzie Guillen.

5. HEATHCLIFF SLOCUMB

Jesus, even that picture pisses me off.  Ok… second best promotional night ever.  Dress Slocumb up in one of those attack training suits and let everyone with a ticket punch him.  How early would you arrive for this opportunity?  I’d probably camp out overnight.  Possible substitutes if Slocumb isn’t interested: Bobby Ayala, Jeff Cirillo, Kaz Sasaki’s mistress (check his wiki page… best retirement ever), and Bret Boone’s steroid supplier. 

Hotter than this??? No way.

If you would like to continue the mockery of the worst team in the NBA, go here: Benditlikebennet.blogspot.com