Archive for the ‘Sounders FC’ Category

Sounders need to field All-Robot team

Is Seattle looking into robotic players? The Sounders front office has not issued a statement to deny it. WHAT ARE THEY HIDING? Two games. No goals. No wins. Should the Sounders panic? No. But it’s becoming evident the current strike force — led by human Fredy Montero – lacks some lethality. Some have suggested Diego […]

The Sounders Starting XI, If They Were Automobiles

Vin Diesel drove a modified 1970 Charger Kasey Keller: 1969 Dodge Charger. They just don’t make ‘em like they used to. Leo Gonzalez: A really nice El Camino. Does a lot of things reasonably well, but can’t shake the feeling it will break down at any moment.

2009 MLS Expansion Draft Predictions

After correctly predicting a measly two of 10 in last year’s Expansion Draft Preview, we’re back again and hoping to improve on our record. This year’s it’s the Philadelphia Union’s turn. On Wednesday morning at 10 a.m. PST, the Union will select 10 players to form the core of their new team. The rules are […]

The Five Best Players on the Sounders FC Roster

1.    Kasey Keller Simply put, Keller’s the best goalkeeper in Major League Soccer history. I defy anyone to refute this. The only possible argument against is that he’s only played half a season so far. But his performances so far for an expansion team have been off the charts. After fretting about the state of […]

Should Sounders FC trade Fredy Montero?

Blasphemy? Perhaps. But I believe Seattle would be well-served to offload Fredy Montero if, and only if, they could replace him with a speedy, goal-nosed striker. Real Salt Lake’s Robbie Findley, the Oregon State graduate, comes to mind. As this article attests, the Sounders have had difficulty finding the right balance with Freddie Ljungberg and […]

The Six Types of Soccer Douchebags

Ah, nostalgia. A couple nights ago, we almost got in a fight in the parking lot of the indoor soccer center. Why? Because we played against a douchebag. The best word to describe this guy was a drip. With man-tits. Just a complete loser – unskilled, but ANGRY. He took it upon himself to repeatedly […]

Wild Hawks To Seattle Sounders FC: This Is A FOOTBALL Stadium

Don’t forget to join our MLS Fantasy League! Details here. Nothing ruins an opening night like bird carcasses strewn about the stadium. According to a source close to the team, Seattle Sounders FC has abandoned plans to have doves fly around Qwest Field on Opening Night after at least three were killed by marauding hawks. During a […]

Join our 2009 MLS Fantasy League!!!!

Hey Sounders Fans! Join the official H&F MLS Fantasy league! Last year’s competition featured a tremendous late-season surge by Hose. In the face of furious boredom, Hose updated his team just often enough to pip Hotdog for the trophy. (I think this is what happened – I don’t actually remember.) In 2008, we also saw […]

Welcome to Seattle, Fredy Montero!

The ‘Nets are abuzz with talk of Fredy Montero, the saucy young striker Sounders FC just pried out of Colombia. Soccer By Ives was all over the move, and included this excellent YouTube clip of Sr. Montero making some golazos. If you listen closely, you can almost hear the defenders screaming “No me gusta!”

Fideo Friday: Welcome To Seattle Zaks

In yesterday’s MLS draft, the Sounders FC selected Forward Steve Zakuani with the #1 overall pick.  The 20 year-old led the nation with 20 goals and 27 points as a sophomore at Akron. He is filthy. Here is some evidence: (Sidenote: video experience may be enhanced with liberal use of ecstacy and glowsticks)